Fine Wine vs. Spam

Discussions about relationships have always been a bane to me. I avoid them like I avoid midgets. Yes, I can tolerate them, but I feel really uncomfortable around them. So, Boa starts talking about our relationship, so all of my defenses come on and I’m ready to start shooting down anything that enters my proverbial airspace. But she’s complimenting me. So my defenses remain ready, but I’m starting to question her intent and wonder if she’s working me for a something expensive.

Turns out, she was just making a comment on how we have been able to keep our relationship thriving even after six years of marriage. Then she made a comment that she thought that I may even be sweeter now than I was 6 years (and 20 lbs) ago. So I made the comment that I am like fine wine, I get better with age.

Confused, she inquired, “If you are fine wine, what does that make me?”

My instant response: “Spam.”

“WHAT!?” was the expected reply.

In a literal knee jerk reaction, I bladed my body, bringing my left leg up to block any shot to the groin while I raised my left arm to intercept any strikes to the face. (Good thing I kept my defenses on!) But the attack never came, only a look of disbelief.

Never changing my defensive posture I started to explain: “Sweetie, it’s because you are just as delicious and tasty the day you were canned as you will be in 50 years!” I think that saved me, but I’m still in my defensive stance… just in case.